i am still infertile

It’s been a while since I’ve been here to write. I started blogging here and for Fertility Matters Canada back in 2017 amidst our first medicated IUI cycle. Over the next 18 months I would continue to blog through 2 more medicated IUI cycles, 3 IVF cycles, 3 transfers and, eventually, a successful pregnancy. As most of you know, our son Elton was born in February of 2019.

Fast forward to 2020: I returned to work after a lovely 10-month maternity leave and was finally getting used to the crazy routine of working Mom life. Then, COVID hit.

I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard remarks about a COVID baby boom or how “maybe it’s time to try for number 2”. There are a lot of things wrong with the second statement, but I will sum it up as best as I can – I am still infertile. While I am grateful every single day that our journey ended with one baby, it does not magically erase the reproductive issues that both Shawn and I have been diagnosed with and does not guarantee us any subsequent children. Having a baby did not cure our infertility.

When we do decide to pull the trigger on a sibling cycle, it will not be a simple process. We haven’t been with our clinic in almost 2 years. We will need to be referred again, consult with our doctor and ultimately, I will need to have most of the testing re-done in order to proceed. We will be hopeful that our embryos thaw and are viable for transfer and will also hope that just one more “sticks”. We will have all the same fears with transfer and failure. We will trust in my body’s ability to host another embryo to term but, again, none of this is guaranteed.

The long, hard days of our infertility struggle are not lost on me simply because we had a baby. We will continue to struggle to build our family. Infertility was a tough road to navigate and I do not imagine secondary infertility being that much easier. While we are lucky to have frozen embryos and the days of shots and egg retrievals may be over, there is still so much unknown. Try to be mindful of the words you use with your infertile friends – “trying for number 2” isn’t as easy as being locked down in a house with my husband for months on end.

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Just a couple of cool kids trying to have their own cool kid!

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