I couldn’t have possibly imagined just how much of a toll this journey really was going to take on me. I thought I could just whiz through month after month hoping for the same result and when it didn’t happen, we would just carry on. There was no way I could have prepared myself for just how much it would hurt. I know people have been through more than we have and kept on going but after 2 failed IUI’s I (we) needed a break.
We decided after our last negative we would take a trip. Take some time away to recharge and decide how we would move forward. You try and find an affordable option on one weeks notice to somewhere that doesn’t have Zika. It was tough but we landed ourselves in Lisbon, Portugal. It was exactly what we needed. We explored and enjoyed all the city had to offer. We did day trips and saw some pretty incredible sites. We slept late and ate what we wanted and just enjoyed each other. I didn’t cry. I didn’t stress. I didn’t even really think about anything to do with baby. I just enjoyed the time I was given to be alone with my husband again. I didn’t think after Thailand we would have a trip like that for a while but we are in a situation right now that we can’t control. What we can control is the moments we have to just be us because, afterall, it’s only ever been just us two. We know that will change one day and will welcome it with big open arms but also recognize we will always need time just for us.
We are now back and starting IUI round 3 in a little under two weeks. I have mixed emotions as I do each cycle but will continue to move forward being cautiously optimistic. All we can do it take it cycle by cycle and if more failure means other life experiences, I think we will get through this just fine.