Growing up for us on Mother’s Day always meant KFC buckets, DQ ice cream cake and fun family parties. That was usually because it was always overshadowed by my birthday (sorry Mom). With Mother’s Day approaching this weekend, there is no way I could have possibly anticipated how much harder this day would be for me. You see it’s not that I’m not happy for all of the deserving Mother’s being celebrated around me (including my own), it’s just that I long to be one.
When we knew that fertility treatments would be starting at the beginning of this year it seemed reasonable to me that by halfway through 2017 I would finally be pregnant. This is not the case. After two failed rounds of IUI, the journey is becoming increasingly harder and each month brings its own set of emotions.
While I’m absolutely thrilled for my Mom tribe, especially those celebrating their very first Mother’s Day, it is yet again a reminder that I haven’t joined the club. On the other side of that, I must also thank all of our Mom friends who allow us to be such an active part of their children’s lives. Without that, I’m sure we would feel a lot more lost.
I will put on a happy face this Sunday and spend the day with my own Mom doing the things that make us happy but deep down inside my heart will break just a little bit more. I will see Mother’s and their children around me and while it will be tough, I will stay strong. I will get through it just like any other day because, as I’ve said a million times, I WILL be a Mom. Just not this year.
My advice to my infertility sisters who will inevitably struggle on this day is to embrace it. Don’t feel bad for feeling all the feels. It’s all a part of the process and without it, we wouldn’t be able to move forward and carry on. Celebrate the day any way you would like to even if it’s not at all. But please know, you are not alone.