where has this cycle gone?!

Seriously. It’s crazy how much has happened in 48 hours. On Tuesday (mid-day) I was anticipating being monitored again Wednesday and then BAM I was told that I will trigger on Wednesday instead. “Trigger” is a shot – more commonly known as Ovidrel – which forces ovulation (something the Orgalutran had previously been preventing). I triggered in the bathroom at work on Wednesday right before lunch (that was interesting) and had my first IUI this morning. For those of you who don’t know what IUI is, it was the actual insemination of the semen in to my uterus.

We used one of the frozen samples that we had stored in October before we went to Thailand. We found out, as I was laying half-naked on the table, that they were a bit concerned with the motility (18%) and post-wash sperm numbers (1.9m) but that they’ve seen worse. This instantly brought on a mental breakdown in the room and when the nurses tried to calm me down, Shawn said (man he knows me too well), “all she’s hearing right now is this isn’t going to work”. It is what I heard. I can go from zero to the most negative person ever pretty darn quick sometimes and this morning was one of those times. I didn’t even really feel the rest of the procedure because my brain was doing 1 million other things. I left the clinic upset and angry. What was supposed to be a happy start ending up in tears. Those tears lasted for a few hours. I realized that this really is just one big old lottery. A semen and egg lottery where the grand prize is a baby (and many of you have heard me say this today). Thankfully I have really amazing friends that helped put things in to perspective for me and I eventually was able to turn my frown upside down. I had fertility acupuncture this afternoon with my ND and she put on an amazing guided meditation for me which was exactly what I needed. I left acupuncture with a far more positive outlook. It only takes ONE. ONE sperm and ONE egg. 1.9 million sperms are inside of me at the moment and that will increase tomorrow when we have our second IUI. Instead of searching for all the reasons why this won’t work, I am going to spend the next 13 days rooting for the ONE (I started by feeding it a teeny bit of my favourite chocolate). I’m not sure how much I’ll have to report after tomorrow, but I’m sure I’ll have something to share during the dreaded two-week wait!

One shout out I really need to take the time to give right now is to my AMAZING team at work. Everyone (whether a part of the legal team or not) has been absolutely incredible through this all. From working with my wonky schedule and monitoring hours to allowing me to work from home on my IUI days, I honestly don’t know how I’d manage my stress levels if I didn’t have them on my side.

We are excited to see what this first cycle has to bring and while we don’t know our outcome quite yet, we will learn from this either way I’m sure.

Much love always.



Just a couple of cool kids trying to have their own cool kid!

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