dear shawn…

I’m not sure I’ve ever really got in to the marital side of this all. The stuff behind the scenes that no one really sees. The part this struggle plays in our day-to-day life at home when no one else is around. The person who is always on the other side of the table at the pity parties and the full on mental breakdowns. I mean, I have talked about them but I haven’t really got in to who is always there for those. Whether happy or sad or angry or miserable, there is always one constant. Sure, my friends and family are the best of the best and I truly am lucky to have such a strong support system but there are still things that they don’t see or hear. They have never witnessed me at the lowest of my low, they have never had to physically pick me up when I’m so broke down I don’t want to move but Shawn, Shawn has.

I wanted to write this post because I can truthfully say that if I was married to any other human, I don’t know that I would have made it through this all. You know when you get married and you never know what it’s going to be like? We went through all that typical marriage hardship stuff and then some yet we seemed to make it out on top. Then you think about the baby stuff and you’re like ya, I could totally have a child with this dude. But then the baby comes and there are late nights and no sleep and feedings and poop everywhere and tension is high and that is a true test on marriage as well. There’s yelling and crying and moments where I’m sure some of you have wondered if it was all worth it. Well, I haven’t even got to that part yet and he hasn’t run for the hills so I already consider myself lucky. I can truthfully say it takes a special relationship to deal with something of this magnitude. We have faced over 6 years of marriage just the two of us. Just him and I. No baby in the equation and in fact, we have spent the better part of the last  4 and a half years trying. 6+ years has allowed us to build a stronger foundation and go through more of our own struggles before embarking on this parenting adventure.

No matter what sh*t is added to my platter, he is always there to listen. It doesn’t matter if I have the same mental breakdown 100 times, he listens and always has the most positive approach (which obviously annoys me sometimes because I just want to wallow in my own sorrow). He is the solid strength in all of this. He is the part of the equation that keeps me going. Without him, I may have given up on this dream a very long time ago.

So with this I say:

Dear Shawn,

Thank you. Thank you one hundred, million times. Your love, support and compassion throughout all of this speaks volumes about the kind of man you truly are. For every time you are there when I need you the most, I picture how amazing of a Dad you will be to our (one day) child.

You are the reason I will never give up.



Just a couple of cool kids trying to have their own cool kid!

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