another bump… not of the baby variety

We were close. So very close. 3 weeks close to be exact. We joked about the injections and how Shawn would have to stab me daily (something he may or may not have enjoyed). We talked about how everything would be changing and finally would be moving forward in 3 short weeks. Until Tuesday. Let’s rewind – back in July I had my first irregular pap in almost 11 years. My family doctor wasn’t worried but did suggest we re-test in 3-6 months. That appointment was 2.5 weeks ago. I was told that since irregular paps are common, the second one likely would come back regular. Then, we waited. I obviously have been nervous because what I was told at my appointment was if I had a second pap came back irregular, we would have to wait until I saw a specialist before we could move forward. Well, yesterday was the day. Around 3pm my cell was ringing but I was on a call for work and ignored it. 3 minutes later I saw an email pop up titled “Pap Results”. I debated for half a minute if I wanted to open it in my office or go to the bathroom but my door was already closed and I was convinced it wasn’t anything so I thought, why not? As I read a bunch of medical terminology, I soon realized that my pap did not come back regular. And, in fact, the results have changed from July. My pap came back as low-grade abnormal or “low grade squamous intraepithelial lesion” where my pap in July only had atypical cells. Since my results have changed from atypical to LSIL, I will need to see a gynecologist for a colposcopy exam and cervical biopsy.  Once I let this sink in, I called the nurse at the clinic and she went over it with me again. To be honest all I heard was “you can’t start treatment until we get more results” which is where I broke down and everything else was muffled. We were so close. Now, I obviously care about my health don’t get me wrong. I want a clear bill before we start this process but it doesn’t take away from the emotions I am going through right now. There are days when I wonder how much more I can take. How much more can be thrown our way to keep us from those next steps, our baby. But I know it’s all a part of the journey. So, I’ll wait for my appointment and carry on. I’ve taken the last month to really focus on me and I’ll continue to do so until I get the “all clear”. To my friends and family, thank you for everything you’ve done this week to show your support. Your words and ears and shoulders have all be truly helpful to me. To Shawn, well, you have been nothing short of incredible from day 1 of this journey and your devoted support to me this week is no different from any other hurdle we come across. We will be parents. But for now, this Mama needs to focus on her health.

 

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Just a couple of cool kids trying to have their own cool kid!

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