another bump… not of the baby variety

We were close. So very close. 3 weeks close to be exact. We joked about the injections and how Shawn would have to stab me daily (something he may or may not have enjoyed). We talked about how everything would be changing and finally would be moving forward in 3 short weeks. Until Tuesday. Let’s rewind – back in July I had my first irregular pap in almost 11 years. My family doctor wasn’t worried but did suggest we re-test in 3-6 months. That appointment was 2.5 weeks ago. I was told that since irregular paps are common, the second one likely would come back regular. Then, we waited. I obviously have been nervous because what I was told at my appointment was if I had a second pap came back irregular, we would have to wait until I saw a specialist before we could move forward. Well, yesterday was the day. Around 3pm my cell was ringing but I was on a call for work and ignored it. 3 minutes later I saw an email pop up titled “Pap Results”. I debated for half a minute if I wanted to open it in my office or go to the bathroom but my door was already closed and I was convinced it wasn’t anything so I thought, why not? As I read a bunch of medical terminology, I soon realized that my pap did not come back regular. And, in fact, the results have changed from July. My pap came back as low-grade abnormal or “low grade squamous intraepithelial lesion” where my pap in July only had atypical cells. Since my results have changed from atypical to LSIL, I will need to see a gynecologist for a colposcopy exam and cervical biopsy.  Once I let this sink in, I called the nurse at the clinic and she went over it with me again. To be honest all I heard was “you can’t start treatment until we get more results” which is where I broke down and everything else was muffled. We were so close. Now, I obviously care about my health don’t get me wrong. I want a clear bill before we start this process but it doesn’t take away from the emotions I am going through right now. There are days when I wonder how much more I can take. How much more can be thrown our way to keep us from those next steps, our baby. But I know it’s all a part of the journey. So, I’ll wait for my appointment and carry on. I’ve taken the last month to really focus on me and I’ll continue to do so until I get the “all clear”. To my friends and family, thank you for everything you’ve done this week to show your support. Your words and ears and shoulders have all be truly helpful to me. To Shawn, well, you have been nothing short of incredible from day 1 of this journey and your devoted support to me this week is no different from any other hurdle we come across. We will be parents. But for now, this Mama needs to focus on her health.



happy new year!

I hope everyone had a magical holiday season and happy happy new year. Shawn and I were fortunate enough to have taken off again to visit my Sister and her boyfriend at this house in England. It was our first year away from home on Christmas but we had such an amazing time with Meaghan and Dan! We even managed to squeeze in a couple of days in Dublin and more than enough Guinness!

With every new year comes a blank 365 slate. Instead of making resolutions this year, I decided to set intentions. 10 days in and I’m feeling great. I’ve been trying to prepare myself for what’s to come (not that I’m really sure how but, I’m trying). I don’t have much to report right now but I thought I would write today as I start to inform myself more on what’s next. My doctor has prescribed our IUI protocol which will include: Menopur 75 units daily + Orgalutron + Ovidrel + Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) + Progesterone Vaginal Suppositories. What does all this mean, you ask? I have no f*****g clue! So, let’s learn together.

What the heck is Menopur?! Menopur contains follicle stimulating hormones and luteinizing hormones. These hormones stimulate healthy ovaries to make eggs. My understanding is I will start these daily injections a few days in to my cycle and continue for 7-20 days depending on how long it takes my follicles to mature (yay for daily stabbing!). In terms of cost – 10 of the 75 unit vials could run upwards of $1,100 (per cycle). The are a lot of different side effects with Menopur so to sum it up I’ll be a moody, tired bloated woman with larger more sore breasts than normal (YAY!).

It looks like I’ll also be taking daily shots of Orgalutran which is used to prevent premature ovulation as I will be actively stimulating my ovaries. It looks like this the length of this treatment is approximately 5 days but again, it’s all cycle specific. Orgalutran runs about $100 per injection as well so we could be looking at $500+ for that medication. *See cranky big breasted side effect description above – same applies*

On to Ovidrel – Ovidrel is a synthetic form of hCG. When used in fertility treatments it helps follicles in the ovary to finish maturing and triggers ovulation. This is also often referred to as a “trigger shot”. MORE SHOTS. We all know how much I love my shots but sadly enough these ones aren’t made by Jagermeister. So, trigger shots are also cycle dependent so if I am set to ovulate on CD14, I would probably trigger on CD13 and head in for insemination on CD14. An ovidrel shot runs about $100 (BARGAIN) so that one shouldn’t be too tough on the old pocket-book. Maybe I can ask my Mom for one for my birthday? The good news is, no different side effects from this one either (please see above and above).

In our case, we are doing double IUI’s because financially it kind of makes more sense (I actually just laughed out loud because financially none of this makes sense but we’re just going to make it raaaainnnnnnn). For one insemination the cost of the sperm wash is $500 but you can get 2 for $750 which is a deal to me so why not go big or go home?! AM I RIGHT #allofthesemen. If I have a “typical” ovulation pattern I would likely be inseminated around CD14 and then again one day later. Then, WE WAIT. If anyone has suggestions on how I can keep myself from going insane during the 2 week wait, I’m all ears.

I should add that in addition to the treatments I’m doing through Procrea, I’m also working with my awesome naturopath who specializes in fertility (sweet!). I actually ended up with her by fluke because her office is close to mine and I require bi-weekly IV therapy treatments for my Crohn’s disease (I could write a whole other blog on that topic). Anyways, I then learned that fertility is her jam and she’s been lovely through all of this. I have my own protocol with her (which includes some mood balancing supplements so maybe I won’t be such a nightmare after all) and I just started Fertility Acupuncture with her yesterday to get the blood flowing to the ol’ ovaries. I have a whole acupuncture protocol too that I’ll be following starting next month.

SO, for not having much to report my fingers sure do hurt. Hope we all learned something today folks because I sure did and if I didn’t feel overwhelmed already this sure didn’t help. JUST KIDDING I’M SO EXCITED TO BE A BLOATED MOODY BIG BREASTED MONSTER who HOPEFULLY only has to go through the process once 😉 #wishfulthinking

Thanks as always for your continued support and love and all of the things. I wouldn’t have been able to get this far without you guys. I probably won’t post again until I have to start stabbing myself so ta-ta for now.

Much love xoxo