a bump in the road…

I am writing today through tears. Tears that haven’t stopped for the last 3 hours (okay, maybe they have stopped here and there but today is not a good day). Today was the day we received our test results. We had a feeling nothing crazy would have (or should have) changed in the last 2.5 years. The doctor always starts with the good news. Shawn’s sperm analysis came back normal in terms of numbers and motility. While the motility was a little on the lower side, the doctor was not concerned by these results whatsoever. On to me! Tubes are open (sweet!) and my uterus looks good to carry a child. There is no scarring from previous Crohn’s flare ups which is good and my ovaries looks good to go as well (woohoo!). Then came my AMH results. The one’s I’ve been worried about. The ones I can’t stop thinking about. The reason I took this cancellation appointment this morning because waiting to know until December (when our original follow-up was scheduled) was not an option for me and my over thinking brain. So lay it on me, doc – how is that ovarian reserve of mine? He then said the words I didn’t fully prepare myself for “your AMH levels are lower than what I like to see” which is a sugar-coated way of telling me my egg reserve is depleting. It took me all of 6 seconds before I burst in to tears. Shawn automatically went in to protector mode and the doctor made sure I was okay to continue (which I was) and he carried on through my tears. The good news is he is still staring us with IUI. It will just mean the medication I am on may differ and mostly in terms of dosage. Our doctor recommends we start treatment sooner than later and normally we would have been good to start in January but now there is another little bump – Thailand is now on the Government of Canada’s Zika list. What does that mean? Once we return from Thailand we have to wait 6 months before we can start IUI. There is a 3 month wait for females and 6 month wait for males and our doctor, by law, can not perform the procedure. I am all for safety when it comes to Zika and any other potentially harmful virus so this is something we will 100% take seriously. It just wasn’t a part of the “plan”. So, today is not a good day. It’s a pity party day. It’s a day where I want to be sad and tomorrow, I have to move forward. But today, today I’m sad and I’m okay with that.

One thing I am happy about – it’s session 5 tonight of mind-body healing and we are doing fertility yoga. This is something I’ve been practicing on my own and am very interested in so even if I cry through the whole thing, it will probably be the best thing for me today.

I may also drink a bottle of Prosecco when I get home sooooooooo ya.

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Just a couple of cool kids trying to have their own cool kid!

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